I Don’t Like Some People

the doctor phil episode tonight was about mega moochers.  bub, i said, lets watch doctor phil – it’s about mega moochers, you should know all about this one.  we didn’t really watch the show — my doctor phil stint was so 4 years ago.. but i liked the title and i don’t ever miss the chance to give bub a hard time.  lucky me.

when i was younger and maybe a little now i always wanted to be a falconer.  i’m not really sure why, but i think its because of the phrase “bird of prey”.  wouldn’t it be cool though to have a dangerous hunter bird at your beckon call?  that leather arm glove looks really cool too.  maybe its because i played too many video games when i was a kid and all too often i was the mage.  i always imagined the mage would have a bird of prey.

i have recently become a griller.  i was very excited about it because  i felt like it put me in touch with our cave dwelling ancestors who only had fire to cook their meat.  so we finally got a place that was uppity enough to have a tiny outside place to put a little charcoal kettle grill.  the first time we tried to cook out it was laughable.  let’s just say we city people aren’t in touch with our fire starting primal instincts.  and of course we had to try to grill like “grill masters” right off the bat.  that means no lighter fluid, no match light, just charcoal and water soaked hickory chips for smoke, yeah it was going to be a feast.  after 2.5 hours of trying to light the coal with newspaper, loss of day light, and severe hunger we took our raw cold curry flavored chicken legs and vegetable kebabs back inside and broiled them in the oven.  so much for instincts, i used that appliance with pride though, ovens are our evolutionary right as modern man.

my friend and i went to the sports authority to try on bathing suits.  and lets just say that it was a debilitating experience.  lets just say that the operative word to describe how we felt when we left was “sausage”.  i’m not even really sure what it is.  we are not fat people.  we’re really probably average to thin.. well not MODEL thin.  i’ll be the first to admit i have eaters arms.  my legs are like tree trunks.   but really.  i am not bad looking, but i feel like a bag lady sometimes.  why is that?  i read an article where it said that women think they’re fatter than they really are and men all think they’re scrawnier than they really are.  i remember a fat guy called bub scrawny once and i thought it was mean, but then i was like — i’ll give that fat guy a break, he’s fat.

summer is short in boston, but not so short that i don’t have to start calling bub “sticky”.  come here sticky, i’ll say, and give me a hug, but don’t put your sticky face on me!  in the winter it’s good having sticky around, he’s not sticky then, he’s more like a space heater that runs on food.  it’s better if sticky goes to bed first in the winter time — to warm up my spot.  but in the summer, forgetaboutit.  it’s a must that sticky doesn’t cross imaginary but crucial line down the center of the bed.  otherwise you’ll hear me yell.. don’t put that sweaty paw on me!  honestly though maybe the whole reason sticky is so thin is that it takes so much energy to put out all that extra sweat, heat and grease.  i guess i’d take sticky and thin, over clean and fat.  so, maybe he’s sick but lucky.

i am a tater tot (think mini couch potato).  i love tv.  since i was as young as i can remember it has been my secret friend.  to me it actually might be better than a real friend.  its always there, its warm and comforting.  it bathes you in its pale blue glow.  it never talks back.  it lets you control it.  you can yell at it.  it never gets offended and when you’re sick of the crap that comes out of it you can shut it off.   so yeah the tv has taken the place of my social life.  i’m pathetic.  i’ll even admit that sometimes i’ll make fun of other people for watching trash on tv — pretending that i haven’t seen the same thing.  well don’t tell anyone.

ok, so i got this new video game.  i’m not usually the type of nerd that gets really super involved in video games, but there’s this one called rachet and clank, i just got it.  its about a tiny fox and a robot that fits in his backpack. and the basic premise is that people like to smash stuff and hear it smash and watch stuff get pulverized and get money and watch cute stuff and laugh.  let me tell you this game is like crack.  i have never been so addicted, well unless you count a brief sims stint i had about 9 years ago.  so anyway i am trying to limit my play time since on days i get involved i could spend oh maybe 8+ hours messing around in this game.  i think the thing with it is, that its SO easy.  like you never really die, you come right back with all your stuff, you get rewarded like a pavlovian dog with the smashing sound of breaking glass, and you feel really great about yourself because, hello you’re playing awesome in the game.  so i am a super star in my own home, even if i am sleepy at work the next day, it’s totally worth it.